What absence does to me...

Absence makes the heart grow fonder? I agree.

I'm currently in a state of longing. Longing to get out of this predicament. I cannot deny the feeling of paranoia when we are not together (which is actually most of the time nowadays). I am honest enough to myself to admit that the green-eyed monster creeps in. I can’t just help think about what he CAN do. I guess that is where TRUST comes in, right?!

Although the absence that separates us actually makes me want to be with that person even more. In short, “I’m missing you”. Big time. I miss the way that you cover the lower half of your face when we talk, just like the first time we met. I miss the times that you just go to the house to hang out so we won’t be spending a cent. I miss the way you say to me that the bed makes you feel sleepy but in reality, it actually does something else (*wink*). I miss the way we talk over the phone over nothing. I miss the way you raise your voice and pretend that you’re mad (well, I think that you’re just pretending) then you go all mushy again. I actually just miss you. I miss being with you. I miss us.

Disregard the feeling of paranoia. Disregard the feeling of jealousy. Rid me of all negative karma. I just want the day to come that we will be on happier circumstances. I want the day to come that my trust is as tough as steel. And when that day comes, I just wish that the height of my trust wouldn’t be plummeting because of negligence.

Timing must be impeccable. The day that we meet again, it should be one of our better days. But I won’t set my expectations too high. It might not be attained. And we all know what the repercussions are for unattained expectations. As a good friend of mine said, “Desire all you want. Just don’t expect.“

For now, I’m just here. I am still missing you. I am still hoping to whatever power to transcend the trust I have to a new level, to a much better level. With your absence, I was able to realize these ideas. So I guess I am still thankful. I am thankful. Even though, I’d rather have you here right now.

See you soon.