Truth From A Questionable Perspective
It’s crazy. Shouldn’t a partner uplift you at all times? Shouldn’t they give you compliments? Shouldn’t they utter sweet nothings to you? Or am I just a hopeless romantic? I think I’m not making sense. Well, it actually doesn’t. Or does it differ per situation?
I guess I’m equally guilty. I haven’t been the sweetest or the near-perfect partner that one can aspire for. There’s no excuse for that. Why is that so?
I guess almost a month of an intangible relationship would do the trick.
I’m just thinking about what has transpired before the so-called MIA for both parties. (After 20 minutes, a smoke, and a cup of coffee) I really can’t remember the details but there was something about a non-celebrated 2nd monthsary. From what I recall, I have remembered it on the 1st and the other person was disputing it (see post ‘Monthsary Unknown’). Therefore, I didn’t give out any kind of greeting. I was basically standing my ground. I believe I was thinking that since I was the one who corrected the date and remembered it properly, it’s high times that he be the one to do so that time. Lo and behold, also no greeting.
I was deeply troubled during those times. Then to rub it in more, I see two very disturbing testimonials which totally flipped me out. At least I could honestly say that ‘you rocked my world’ when I saw those. Ibang level ‘tsong. Backflip ako in place. I was so down. As usual, I ran to my oh-so-dependable friends for help. I was asking for advices and such. It was clear to them that I should just move on and let go. But I actually disregarded the thought then ‘coz I needed to give him a second chance to defend himself against any of my accusations.
During that silent phase, I wasn’t in the mood to send him any messages or the urge to cal him up. I wasn’t able to muster up enough courage to confront the situation. I’m not sure if I feared knowing the truth or if I didn’t want anything to end between us by knowing the truth. I just quiet. And so did he. I figured that all that he needed was a little alone time. After waiting till my poor haggard heart couldn’t take it anymore, I sent him a simple message.
Last Friday, I was on my way to work, I sent him another message asking him how he was. No reply, I sent him another message after work, then after around an hour, he replied. I then replied something. Then no reply from him again. Evening came, he sent a message. I replied something. With that message, I ‘by-the-way’-ed the testimonial he got.
‘Hahaha. Wala un. Ganyan kacute bf mo hehehe’, is what I got.' (Guess what I felt).
We then texted some more about his meds and his enrollment. We also got the conversation going to a date. A date that was long past due.
Days passed after the day we texted and I was busy at work while he… I honestly don’t know. Thursday came, I finally decided to ask him if he still wants to go out. We set a time, place, and an activity. It is going to be a movie date. Everything is set.
My shift for that day ended and I sent him a message to confirm our movie date. After 2 minutes, he said that he was stuck in traffic and he thinks that he wasn’t going to make it ‘coz their car overheated and he needed to have it fixed. What impeccable timing! Is this a sign from God? And what did it mean?
I just replied to confirm that the date was off. He said that he’d try to stop by the house while the car is being fixed. So I said okay and I’ll just sleep first.
I felt like breaking down that moment. But I didn’t. I just went online to lull myself to sleep. I figured eyestrain would definitely do the trick.
I really wasn’t expecting it but when someone rang for the door, my heart skipped a beat. As I remember it, I was praying that it wasn’t him. Maybe I had my mind set that he really wasn’t coming therefore I can just put my guard down. Remember, there is still a pending issue in the air.
God must’ve been somewhere else that moment (even if I was taught that God was omnipresent, I don’t care) for I saw him entering our gate. It was so long ago that I actually thought that I might not remember his face. I was wrong. A certain familiarity came rushing back. It’s very much déjà vu.
He came in, then greeted me. I told him I wasn't expecting him. We went to my room so that we can have some alone time. I had my game face on. I was anticipating the moment that I will ask him for the truth like what the testimonials meant, where do we stand right now, and who am I in his life. I wanted the truth. I needed the truth. Although I'm not sure if I can handle it. We went up. Every second meant that I was a little more closer to the truth.
It was like we were strangers. Not knowing where to start, silence echoed. We were speaking with body language.
--------------
to be continued...
I guess I’m equally guilty. I haven’t been the sweetest or the near-perfect partner that one can aspire for. There’s no excuse for that. Why is that so?
I guess almost a month of an intangible relationship would do the trick.
I’m just thinking about what has transpired before the so-called MIA for both parties. (After 20 minutes, a smoke, and a cup of coffee) I really can’t remember the details but there was something about a non-celebrated 2nd monthsary. From what I recall, I have remembered it on the 1st and the other person was disputing it (see post ‘Monthsary Unknown’). Therefore, I didn’t give out any kind of greeting. I was basically standing my ground. I believe I was thinking that since I was the one who corrected the date and remembered it properly, it’s high times that he be the one to do so that time. Lo and behold, also no greeting.
I was deeply troubled during those times. Then to rub it in more, I see two very disturbing testimonials which totally flipped me out. At least I could honestly say that ‘you rocked my world’ when I saw those. Ibang level ‘tsong. Backflip ako in place. I was so down. As usual, I ran to my oh-so-dependable friends for help. I was asking for advices and such. It was clear to them that I should just move on and let go. But I actually disregarded the thought then ‘coz I needed to give him a second chance to defend himself against any of my accusations.
During that silent phase, I wasn’t in the mood to send him any messages or the urge to cal him up. I wasn’t able to muster up enough courage to confront the situation. I’m not sure if I feared knowing the truth or if I didn’t want anything to end between us by knowing the truth. I just quiet. And so did he. I figured that all that he needed was a little alone time. After waiting till my poor haggard heart couldn’t take it anymore, I sent him a simple message.
‘mzta?’He called me up. We talked for a bit. No extravagant discussions. Just plain old ‘hi’ and ‘hello’. I learned that he was fine (to some extent), I learned that he needs to go under some sort of treatment. I told him about us moving on the 18th. I told him that work was fine. I let him feel that I got hurt. Until now, I’m not sure if he got that message.
Last Friday, I was on my way to work, I sent him another message asking him how he was. No reply, I sent him another message after work, then after around an hour, he replied. I then replied something. Then no reply from him again. Evening came, he sent a message. I replied something. With that message, I ‘by-the-way’-ed the testimonial he got.
‘Hahaha. Wala un. Ganyan kacute bf mo hehehe’, is what I got.' (Guess what I felt).
We then texted some more about his meds and his enrollment. We also got the conversation going to a date. A date that was long past due.
Days passed after the day we texted and I was busy at work while he… I honestly don’t know. Thursday came, I finally decided to ask him if he still wants to go out. We set a time, place, and an activity. It is going to be a movie date. Everything is set.
My shift for that day ended and I sent him a message to confirm our movie date. After 2 minutes, he said that he was stuck in traffic and he thinks that he wasn’t going to make it ‘coz their car overheated and he needed to have it fixed. What impeccable timing! Is this a sign from God? And what did it mean?
I just replied to confirm that the date was off. He said that he’d try to stop by the house while the car is being fixed. So I said okay and I’ll just sleep first.
I felt like breaking down that moment. But I didn’t. I just went online to lull myself to sleep. I figured eyestrain would definitely do the trick.
I really wasn’t expecting it but when someone rang for the door, my heart skipped a beat. As I remember it, I was praying that it wasn’t him. Maybe I had my mind set that he really wasn’t coming therefore I can just put my guard down. Remember, there is still a pending issue in the air.
God must’ve been somewhere else that moment (even if I was taught that God was omnipresent, I don’t care) for I saw him entering our gate. It was so long ago that I actually thought that I might not remember his face. I was wrong. A certain familiarity came rushing back. It’s very much déjà vu.
He came in, then greeted me. I told him I wasn't expecting him. We went to my room so that we can have some alone time. I had my game face on. I was anticipating the moment that I will ask him for the truth like what the testimonials meant, where do we stand right now, and who am I in his life. I wanted the truth. I needed the truth. Although I'm not sure if I can handle it. We went up. Every second meant that I was a little more closer to the truth.
It was like we were strangers. Not knowing where to start, silence echoed. We were speaking with body language.
--------------
to be continued...
realized by Joel at 9:14 PM
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